Eddy Zheng: Thoughts from Behind & Beyond Bars

If it doesn't bleed...

2011-02-08T23:24:00.000-08:00

it doesn't lead... as the saying goes.

A 16 year old Asian teenager was stabbed and passed away last night in San Francisco. One of my Case Managers notified me of the incident and I verified the facts with a staff who works in the wraparound service in SF General. So I went on SF Gate news online to read the news reporting. The staff writer wrote that a 16 year old teenager was stabbed to death by a 18 year old man. That statement made me pause to think how media can portray things base on what it wants readers to feel and believe. How can a 16 year old be called a teenager and a 18 year old called a man? The last time I check Sixteen and Eighteen both end with teen. So they should both be Teenagers. Where's the man comes in? I'm just saying... Then when I look at the same news again at night time, the whole story changed. That's online media for you.

On another note, a Chinese World Journal reporter expressed to me that in her 20 or year career, this is the youngest Asian homicide victim that she's aware of. The Asian community is definitely shaken up by this tragedy since there's very few murders in its history. Unlike the African American and Latino American communities where young people are killing young people all the time. That's another reality.

It's a sad reminder that life is short. I hope everyone gets that message.

War according to Mao

2011-02-06T22:37:00.000-08:00

"We are advocates of the abolition of war, we do not want war; but war can only be abolished through war, and in order to get rid of the gun it is necessary to take up the gun. ... When human society advances to the point where classes and states are eliminated, there will be no more wars, counter-revolutionary or revolutionary, unjust or just; that will be the era of perpetual peace for mankind. Our study of the laws of revolutionary war springs from the desire to eliminate all wars; herein lies the distinction between us Communists and all the exploiting classes."

A friend gave me the English version of Quotations from Chairman Mao Tsetung many years ago when I was in San Quentin. I remember reading the Chinese version when I was in elementary school in China. I didn't understand the meanings of what I was reading. Now I can comprehend the depth of Mao's analysis.

I picked up the book from the book shelf and randomly came across the passage where Mao spoke about War that I found worth sharing.

New Year at the Q

2011-02-03T23:04:00.000-08:00

Different cultures have different superstitions. One of the superstitions in Asian culture is it's bad luck to go visit a prison. It's one thing if you have loved ones locked up and you're visiting them. It's all bad if you just go visit a prison.

In the past, I had encourage some youth to go visit San Quentin so they can get an ideal what life is like so they won't do things that land them there. However, most of the Asian youth don't want to go because of superstition. Their parents don't approve of them going for the same reason.

For me, I would like to think that I transcend all superstition. Therefore, I went to visit San Quentin this afternoon to brainstorm on setting up a culture competent program to help the Asian and Pacific Islander prisoners. One of the prisoners showed me a "lai shi" he received from an older prisoner. "lai shi" is good luck money that married people or elders give to the youngsters in a red envelop during new year celebration. Since there's no red envelop in prison, they guy use a paper towel and shaded with red color pencil to make the envelop. For money, he put a prison photo ducat (Photo ducat is used in the visiting room to take pictures with visitors. It's sell through the Prison Canteen.,) which worth two dollars, inside the envelop. I asked the guys whether all the Asians are going to have a spread to celebrate the new year. They said everyone's too busy working and going to self help programs. They may do something over the weekend.

Culture is important. For those who are incarcerated, they still observe their cultures as much as they can. Therefore, it's important to have cultural specific programs cater to their needs to reduce recidivism.

Again, I'm grateful that I can walk out of the prison each time I visit. Each visit gives me perspective and makes me more appreciative of freedom.

New Year's Eve

2011-02-02T23:50:00.000-08:00

It's the eve of the Year of Rabbit. The atmosphere in the US is definitely different from the home country as Asian immigrants from different shores celebrates the Lunar Year. I hear the firecrackers popping here and there in my part of Oak Town. And it seems like those sounds of scaring the devils away becomes lesser and lesser with each passing year with all the banning of fireworks and all. I guess that's the way it goes when you're in a foreign land.

I wish I have some firecrackers to remind me of the good old childhood day.

Violence prevention is...

2011-01-28T23:59:00.000-08:00

... sharing with about 40 diverse immigrant students in San Francisco's International High school about the importance of education and the potential they have to become future leaders.

... outreaching in the hot spots of Chinatown and talking with youth about finding better activities than hanging out and smoking.

... challenging a group of youth on the streets to play basketball in the Chinatown YMCA against staff from the Community Youth Center (CYC) and offer them, "If you win, we will buy all of you dinner. If we win, you will have to do community service with us."

... having about 15 youth taking up CYC staff's challenge, boasting that they will run us off the court, ending up losing by 21 points and taking a group picture what the game's over and wanting a rematch.

... coming home exhausted from the basketball game before midnight and having to coordinate staff to handle the reporting of an attempted suicide by a youth.

Letter from the Pen

2011-01-21T00:21:00.000-08:00

I maintain contact with a few people in the Pen. Whenever I have time I would write to them. I still remember how good it felt to get a letter from the "free world." Receiving letters from family and friends is one way to maintain contact and ties with the community. It also means that people in prison are not forgotten.

Today, I receive a letter from a life term prisoner who I had done time with. I met up with him during my visit to Vacaville Medical Facility with the San Francisco Reentry Council a few months ago.

I just want to share an except of what he wrote: "I was denied parole because of weak parole plans. What a bomer, I took them 29 1/2 years [with] 25 years of that was clean time, no write ups, or disciplinary action and I was denied parole for three more years under a law that became active literally about a week before I went to the parole board on 4-3-09. Marsey Law, huh, what a rip off. Here it is 2011 and I go back to the board next year 2012, so really have to dot my i and cross my ts."

Well, it's good to know that he has not giving up hope.

Community Police Advisory Board

2011-01-19T23:41:00.000-08:00

Did you know that I'm a member of the San Francisco Central Police District Community Police Advisory Board (CPAB)? Well, I am.

I got on the board under the recommendation of the then Captain Dudley who is now a Commander. Since I do violence prevention in the city, especially working with teenagers in Chinatown, I wanted to be a member so I can provide input to create a safer community and provide an alternative view. Also, I'm representing the younger generation.

The CPAB meets monthly to talk about issues that are impacting the jurisdiction of Central Station. There's other CPAB in other stations as well. Each CPAB meeting is facilitated by the district Captain.

Today CPAB covered ongoing issues on Chinatown safety, Graffiti, Entertainment, Prostitution, Sit Lie Enforcement and Parolees. The Captain also provide the Compstat (crime statistic) of the month.

Can my involvement count as civil engagement?

Porridge with Love

2011-01-18T21:55:00.000-08:00

It feels good to get up in the morning and find breakfast on the table.

Dad got up early this morning to make Chinese fried tortilla from scratch and beef porridge. It's a meal that Chinese from southern part of China eat for breakfast. I love eating it when I was a kid. I always appreciate Dad's cooking. As I sat at the table eating breakfast with Dad, I felt a sense of love and fulfillment. However, for a flash moment, I noticed my thought wondering how much longer will I be able to enjoy Dad's presence.

For now, I will continue to cherish his porridge with love.

Living the Dream

2011-01-17T22:01:00.000-08:00

As part of my way of appreciating the legacy of Dr. King's dream, I participated in the Know Your Rights event that the Bay Area Youth Commissions organized and sponsored by Lick-Wilmerding High School's Center for Civil Engagement.

I had the privilege of kick start the event with a poem and got approximately 250 people chanting Peace, Love and Community. However, I was inspired by the young poet Chinaka Hodge who let her words flow like a series of soothing melody. Then I was able to conduct a workshop on the importance of knowing your rights. When it was time for the participants to choose which workshop to go to, mine was the less popular. I'm sure me being an ex-con definitely had something to do with it. Fortunately, the twelve of so people in my workshop appreciated my sharing.

It's good to see so many young people who are doing their part to live up to Dr. King's dream of equality for all. Many of them will definitely be leaders who will lead this country.

Feeling Naked

2011-01-14T22:00:00.000-08:00

Something didn't seem right this morning when I got to work. I felt a sense of lightness. I didn't know what caused that feeling until I reached for my waist and realized my work cell phone wasn't there. I had left it charging at home. The first thought came to my mind was, "The phone's going to be blown up with missed calls and messages." Then I just accepted the fact that I'm going to be without phone for the day.

I carry two phones with me daily, one's personal and the other for work. I wish I could combine the two, but personal and professional have to be separated.

When I got home, I did received some calls and messages. I totally forgot that I had an appointment for an interview on the phone. I didn't like missing the call.

Cell phone has been apart of my life for almost four years. I did feel a little naked without it.

SFIC

2011-01-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

I was invited by the San Francisco Interfaith Council's (SFIC) Executive Director Michael Pappas as a guest speaker with Reentry Policy Director Jessica Flintoff at its monthly breakfast.

About 80 people from different faith based groups were present at the St. Mark's Lutheran Church Heritage Hall. I shared my poem "Autobiography @ 33" with them as an introduction. I spoke briefly about the importance of all communities coming together to help those who are incarcerated. I drew the parallel on how the prisoners are being treated like lepers in the leper colony of Prison Industrial Complex. Many of the community members reached out to me when I was in prison just as Jesus reach out to the lepers in the leper colony. Without the compassion demonstrated by people from the community, I would not have become who I am.

Members of SFIC are doing many great things helping people who are in need in our community. I want to encourage the interfaith council to play an active role in changing the policy that can steer California away from being number 1 in incarceration and number 50 in education.

Day Off

2011-01-12T21:28:00.000-08:00

The irritation in my eyes were bothering me so I decided to take a day off. I rarely take time off from work since it seems like I have never ending work to do. I thought time would go by really slow, in the contrary, the day went by way too fast.

I made a list of things I needed to do and start doing it. I washed laundry, organized mail, paid my bills, cancelled my U verse internet service, went to the Post Office to return equipment and brought stamps, went to the bank to check my account balance, cooked a pot of soup and made dinner. I rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes, showered and ate dinner.

I was so caught up in doing all the chores that I forgot to go to the neighborhood town hall meeting. I also had plan to write a poem, but I didn't get to it.

My eyes felt better after some rest. I still have endless things to do, but I enjoyed my day off.

1/11/11

2011-01-11T22:01:00.000-08:00

Since everyone is making a big deal about today's date being 1/11/11, I figure I will document some of the things that transpired for me.

Today happens to be the day I have to check in with ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement.) I have to report to ICE every three months. So at 9 o'clock in the morning, my co-worker drove me to Sansome Street to do my check in. I wanted to do it early so I can be at work on time and I wanted to beat the crowd. However, when I went to the designated window on 5th floor, there're too many people waiting to get their paperwork sign. so I decided to go back later.

I went back a couple of hours later, it was just routine. The ICE agent sign off on my paper and gave me a new date to go back in 3 months.

It's Tuesday so I went to CYA Chad to do my workshop with the IMPACT program. We're doing the Addiction module this series. The lead facilitator and I went to two different units to give an introduction of the module. It's good to have two groups of captivated audience. A staff sat in our circle. Later he expressed how much he appreciates us for providing this program for the youth.

I enjoyed the ride to and from Chad. I get to talk to my co-facilitator and friend Sterling. We often reminisce how life's twist and turn got us in the positions we're in. We stay busy.

Reversal of Roles

2011-01-10T23:48:00.000-08:00

Many years ago when I was still in Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) custody, I was locked up in Yuba County Jail in Marysville, California. ICE contracts with different county jails to keep people who are going through the deportation process in their custody. Out of boredom and a need for outside human connection, I would call some of my friends using the prepaid telephone card to talk to them. One of my male friends was always there to pick up the phone and happily chatted with me about any random things. He would also send me money to buy food and load up on my phone minutes. I always appreciate him for being there whenever I needed him.

Tonight, I received a call from Yuba County Jail. It's my friend who was always there to pick up my call. ICE detained him and ordered his deportation to China after he lost his case. He has a wife and two toddlers at home. He doesn't know whether when he will be deported or when ICE will release him on supervision. He's waiting for luck to come.

We talked about the most random things for thirty minutes so he can kill some boredom. I'm grateful that he called.

Superman No More

2011-01-09T22:48:00.000-08:00

Well, I knew I was out of shape hen I was barely able to do one Superman today.

Superman is an exercise where you pull yourself up above the pull up bar, drop down, and pull yourself up above the bar again. It's different and more difficult than the normal pull up which only requires you to pull your chin up above the bar. Superman requires upper body, arms and wrists strength to complete.

I used to be able to do about 8 to 10 reps.

It's been a long time since I had exercise regularly. Regularly meaning at less working out three times a week. So when I decided to do some bar work before I go jogging, I realize that I'm Superman no more.

It's time to get busy...

I Defecate Where I lay

2011-01-08T23:04:00.000-08:00

I was walking toward city hall on Larkin Street in San Francisco observing my surroundings in the afternoon. All of sudden, a white bearded man with a backpack came into my line of vision. What I saw next made me flabbergasted. The man took off his pants, squadded half way and defecated on the side walk in the middle of the street. Then he wiped himself with a tissue, pulled up his pants and walked away as it's a normal thing to do.

Though I was shocked by what had transpired, I see dog poop and human poop daily when I go to work. The many alleyways in the Tenderloin District have been public animal and human bathrooms for years.

The only way I see that can stop all those madness is fundamentally covering the basic needs for people: housing, jobs, and food.

Politiking

2011-01-07T23:39:00.000-08:00

It's definitely a night of celebration in San Francisco politic today. Ed Lee, who is the City Administrator received 10 to 1 vote to become the first Chinese American Mayor in San Francisco.

Jane Kim had her community celebration party in Chinatown to prepare for her term as the first Korean American Board of Supervisor in San Francisco. Everyone who is anyone from the city political scene was there, except for outgoing Board of Supervisor Chris Daly. Too much drama going on there.

I spoke with Mayor Willie Brown and thanked her for his support.

I thanked Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi for his support of my pardon. He said that I made it easy for him to support me. He expressed that he strongly believe in reentry. He said that we never talk one on one and suggested that we should get together. I told him I will contact his office to set up a time to meet. I look forward to exchanging ideal with him on different issues effecting the incarcerated. I appreciate his openness.

It's good to see Asian Americans being more involve in politic, especially young people. I look forward to working with them in some capacity.

Ain't That Something

2011-01-06T23:11:00.001-08:00

So as I was looking for parking on the way to a press conference, I noticed my boss in her car writing something. After parking my car, I approached her to find out what she's doing. She told me a truck hit her car. I noticed a huge dent on the back door of the driver side. I started taking pictures of the damage and the truck parked behind her.

Then a truck stopped and parked across the street, the Caucasian man in the driver seat yelled at me, "If you think the truck behind you hit your car, you're wrong. I work for the same company. The truck has been parked here."

I looked at the damaged car in front of me and said to him, "Are you for real? I'm looking at the damage right here."

So the guy yelled over to his coworker who's busy writing down insurance information, "Armando, did you hit that car?" Armando responded, "Yes, I did."

The guy said to me, "Oh, congratulations." Then he proceeded to apologize to me three different times.

So I'm trying to make sense of what had transpired. Armando, who's driving a truck hit my boss's car. They were exchanging insurance information. I arrived at the scene to take pictures of the damage. Then, another driver, who works for the same company as Armando, driving a similar truck stopped and parked across the street. He immediate defends his coworker stating that the accident did not happened. Yet, he was not at the scene when the accident occurred. Then he apologizes after his coworker admit he was at fault.

What was all that about?

I love my GuMa

2011-01-05T23:10:00.000-08:00

"It's been 29 years. When are going to come visit GuMa? I saw everyone else in the family except you." GuMa asked me over the phone.

How time flies!? The last time I saw Guma, my Dad older sister, was when I was 12 years old in 1982. We're at the training station in the city of GuangZhou, China.

"Do you remember the piggy bank of coins you gave me before you left?" GuMa started talking away. "I didn't use any of it. I put those coins in rolls and saved them. I still have them in the village." I can't believe GuMa still remembers everything so vividly. She's already 85 years old. I was closest with GuMa out of the family. She helped take care of me when I was a kid. I gave her all my savings before I left for USA.

I have to tell GuMa it's not that I don't want to go visit her or forgot about her. I don't have a passport to go anywhere. I told her that whenever I am able to adjust my immigration status and travel abroad, the first person I want to see in China is GuMa.

Yet, the reality is, I don't know if I will ever see GuMa again. That's why I wish that she will live to be a hundred years old. That way, hopefully I can fix my status within 15 years and go visit GuMa.

Youth Lifer in CYA

2011-01-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

For adults, San Quentin State Prison and Folsom State Prison are considered are notorious prisons. When it comes to youth, N. A. Chaderjian, AKA "Chad," is one of California's most notorious youth prisons.

"I don't really like talking to you like this." I told "J" who is standing behind a solid metal door with a long piece of glass in the middle. It saddens me to see him locked up in a cell because I was in the same situation many many moons ago.

Today is the first session of the 11 weeks of IMPACT (Incarcerated Men Putting Away Childish Things) program. However, our point person is on vacation so take the opportunity to do meet and greet with youth participants.

"J" who is gang affiliated told me that he's been locked up in the California Youth Authority Since he's 14 years old. He's doing a youth life sentence for attempted murder. That means he'll be out when he turns 25. At 20, he has 5 more years to go. However, with good behavior he may go home in 3 years. Since he's in solitary confinement, "J" will have to learn how to get along with other wards who are rival gang members before he can program on the mainline population.

I encourage him to invest in his education and set short and long term goals. When I asked what he wants to do after he get out, he said he couldn't think that far. He needs to work his way out of solitary confinement first.

I can't help but wonder what will become of "J" when he leaves Chad after being incarcerated from a teenager to a young man.

Friendly Media

2011-01-03T23:51:00.000-08:00

The Chinese ethnic media reported the Governor Schwarzenegger's pardon name list and commented on the fact that my name wasn't one of them. Chinese television KTSF Channel 26 even did an interview with me. They wanted to keep the Chinese community updated on my pardon effort. Over the years, I appreciate the media's support because it's been sympathetic to me. Its reporting allowed the community to make its decision on whether it wants to embrace someone who is an ex-con and confronted the idea of redemption. So far, the media has been kind to me. Friendly media is definitely a great tool for advocacy.

2010 Reflection

2011-01-02T11:55:00.000-08:00

Happy beginning of 2011 my dearest family, friends and supporters!

The year of 2010 definitely ended with a bang for me. I received much media attention in my effort to petition for a pardon from Governor Schwarzenegger before he leaves office. Bay Area mainstream KTVU channel 2 news did an interview with me. People's station KPFA's Hardknock Radio, APEX Express, and Letters to Washington had me on their shows. The Chinese World Journal newspaper did two articles on me. KQED online news blogged about my deportation case. Many bloggers and websites across the nation helped spread the word of my online petition. Change.org hosted my online petition. Facebook was extremely useful in reaching out to people to support my cause. We had over 2,500 people signed the online pardon petition. None of it could have been possible without the support from friends and the community.

My immigration status has not change since my release from Immigration and Customs Enforcement custody on 2.27.2007 – deported. It took four years for the 9^th Circuit Court to make a decision on my appeal in December of 2010. The court ordered an oral argument from the attorneys to get more information before it makes a final decision. The hearing took place on 12.9.2010 where two hundred or so friends and supporters attended to express their support. The judges seemed sympathetic. The court's decision could take months. Even if I do get a favorable decision, my case will have to be send back to the Board of Immigration Appeal and Immigration Court for more hearings. My appeal to adjust my legal status in the US has many more challenges to overcome.

As of this afternoon 1/2/11, Governor Schwarzenegger released the names of people who he had pardoned. http://gov.ca.gov/news.php?id=16864 My name is not on that list. I remain a man without status. I must continue to live in a state of uncertainty, as a transient. The great thing, whenever one door closes, hundred of doors will open. I'm forever grateful for all of you who believe in me and support me. I'm definitely planning to petition Governor Jerry Brown for a pardon.

In the meantime, I'm still happily employed by the Community Youth Center of San Francisco (CYC) as a Project Manager overseeing the Invention and Street Outreach components. City budget cuts had interrupted the fluidity of our services to the youth and community. However, CYC's mission to motivate youth to succeed remains as our priority. I have less time to do direct service as a Manager and I miss it. At the same time, I understand I have different roles to play and that they're all important. I'm grateful for the opportunities to collaborate with different Community Based Organizations and city departments to work on creating a safer community for everyone.

In my second year serving on the San Francisco Reentry Council, I had the opportunities to visit California Medical Facility in Vacaville and San Quentin State Prison. The people who were once my “babysitters” sat at the same table with me to brainstorm ideas on how to minimize recidivism. I also saw many familiar faces still suffering in those prisons, especially the ones who have life terms. When they saw me, they saw hope. Hope that they too will be out in the “free world” one day. Hope that their way to freedom is not with toe tags. People always ask me how I feel going back inside. After all, I did spend 19 years of my life in the prison system. The truth is whenever I enter in any Total Institution nowadays, I feel disassociated from what it represents. I'm grateful that I was able to walk out of there. I will continue to go behind the walls and do my part in helping those who are left behind and voiceless.

As the co-chair for the Asian Prisoners Support Committee (APSC) based in Oakland, California, my team and I are doing what we can to provide some much needed culture competent program and resources for the incarcerated Asian and Pacific Islanders population. Unfortunate, there is no culture specific self help program for the growing API population in California's 32 prisons. We're looking to make history in San Quentin State Prison and Solano State Prison to get the prison administration to approve our intentions. APSC continues to correspond with API prisoners and provide resource referrals as request.

My role as public speaker allowed me the opportunity to share my experiences of transformation and raise awareness on the detrimental impact of massive incarceration effects the community. I interacted with hundreds of students at San Francisco State University, City College of San Francisco, Oakland's Laney Community College, University of Los Angeles, UC Berkeley, Japanese National Museum of Los Angeles, Macalester College of St. Paul, Minnesota and in the San Francisco Unified School District. One of the best engaging tools the students enjoy was spoken word poetry. That reminds me to come up with new materials for the upcoming year.

In my other job, I go to the California Youth Authority in Stockton once a week through IMPACT (Incarcerated Men Putting Away Childish Things) to help facilitate workshops on male accountability curriculum to incarcerated youth. The number one model of IMPACT is “ if you can't think, you can't win.” It feels good to be able to share my experiences and learn from those youth. At the same time, I'm able to plant the seed of transformation to prevent them from heading into the adult prison system.

I attended my first US Social Forum in Detroit. I visited Vincent Chin's grave site and paid my respect. Meeting Grace Lee Boggs and taking to heart her message of “stop thinking or acting like a minority, instead we should think and act like a majority” was definitely a highlight. It's great to network with so many people who shared the commonality of making change in our respective community from across the nation.

In the past year, the community of San Francisco included me in many of its collaboration efforts to build multicultural relationships in addressing violence. I witnessed the power of advocacy and solidarity when over a thousand Asians stood in front of the steps of city hall demanding more resources to create safer community. I felt privilege to have the opportunities to learn from many of the community leaders from a diverse background. The lesson I learned was we must put aside our differences, no matter how minuscule or gigantic, to find our common grounds for change to occur.

I believe 2011 and the years ahead are going to be awesome. I'm a firm believer that as long as I continue to do my part in serving the community, things will work out accordingly. As Kahill Gibran expresses in The Prophet on work, “...when you work you fulfill a part of earths furthest dream, assigned to you when that dream was born, And in keeping yourself with labour you are in truth loving life, And to love life through labour is to be intimate with life's inmost secret.” I love my work.

Thank you for sustaining me for another year. Please hold me accountable on my actions and remind me to stay humble. Please continue to mentor me so I can learn and grow in our shared journey on this earth. I'm encouraged by your presence in my life. Please be kind and loving to yourself, your family and your friends.

… just breathe and appreciate life flowing through your body with each inhale and exhale.

Peaceful Beginning

2011-01-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's about me getting older, I didn't go out to party and meet up with friends to ring in the new year. I just relax at home and enjoyed a sense of solitude.

As I reflected on all that had happened in the past year, I realized that things will only get better in 2011.

Life is good.

Practice Makes It Better

2010-12-31T23:45:00.000-08:00

It's new year's eve. People celebrate it differently across the world. However, everyone's looking forward to embracing the new year because it is a new beginning. It is also the hope that the upcoming year will be better than the past year. Hope is definitely a motivator for people to want to live and appreciate their finite journey on this earth.

As a celebration, I chose to go with some friends to snowboarding. It's my first time, but I enjoyed the process of learning something new. Of course, I fail numerous times in attempting to control the movement and speed of the snowboard. However, each time I fail, I got back up. Yes, my butt, wrists, thighs, shins and body ached, but I didn't give up. I learned how to go with the flow and relax. By the end of the day, I was enjoying gliding down the slop with a sense of appreciation - practice makes it better.

Life is a process of practices...

Justifiable Homicide

2010-12-30T23:30:00.000-08:00

"What is the General Order for the Police Officer when it comes to dealing with a person who is unarmed but knows martial art, someone who has a knife, and someone who has a gun?" That's the question I asked the Chief of Police at the San Francisco town hall meeting after Police Officers shot and killed a mentally ill Asian man with a scalpel yesterday in District 10.

The Chief was quick to call a town hall meeting to provide an explanation and justification for the Officers necessary actions. All the rank and file from the Police Department were there. As a matter of fact, there's more police than community members. Of course, all the media was invited. It will take a long time (could be years) before a report is given after an investigation on whether the Police Officers use excess force in dealing with a mentally ill person.

I can't help but wonder how many town hall meetings were held when Black people are killed by Police Officers.

exercising the mind

2010-12-29T19:39:00.000-08:00

I just came home from a four hours discussion with a dear friend on the topic of Anti Black racism. It's been a long time since I had such a critical analysis on how racism effects the international community and how difficult it is to acknowledge that many of actions contribute to perpetuate the systematic structure. My mind definitely received its share of exercise.

The question I'm left with pondering are, "How can a group of human beings who are being treated as sub humans find their humanity? and How much does the Asians slash Asian Americans understand or care about racism?"

Pardon me...

2010-12-27T23:24:00.000-08:00

"Do you have the pardon petition with you?" Yuri Kochiyama asked me as soon as she saw me and five more times throughout the night. "You're not going to let them deport you, are you?"

No, I'm not going to lay down and let them deport me Yuri. That's why I've applied for a pardon from the outgoing California Governor Schwarzenegger.I've started an online petition asking people to sign it so I can send them to the Governor. Please sign the petition if you haven't done so -

Tell Gov. Schwarzenegger to Pardon Eddy Zheng | Change.org

With the community on my side, I believe things will workout for me. I'm grateful for everyone's support.

*And yes, I'm back on blogging...

Happy new breath

2010-01-31T00:47:00.000-08:00

Yes. I'm still here.

Breathin'

Life has new meaning to me

2009-04-14T22:54:00.000-07:00

Dragging my feet as I walked up the steps of the 38L (limited) Muni bus, I felt the winter like wind penetrating my sweatshirt. The journey home after a long day at work was still an hour or so away. My head was down as I pulled out my Fast Pass and showed it to the bus driver. As I started toward to find my place on the bus, the bus driver held on to my Fast Pass and said, "Hey, Hey." I didn't know what was wrong. Then he held on to my hand. The first thought that came to my mind was, "Is there something wrong with my Fast Pass?" Then the bus driver said, "I just want to shake your hand. I'd followed your story on TV. I know who you are. It's so good to finally meet you in person." All the while he was holding on to my hand. As the bus roared down the street heading toward downtown, the bus driver expressed to me how warm he felt each time he saw me on TV. He then apologized for calling me out and holding on to my hand. He said he didn't know what else to do when he recognized me. I told him I thought I had done something wrong. He then started talking rapidly about his feeling on my experience and transformation, as well as how he could relate to my story. What really hit me was when he told me my story made him feel that life truly is meaningful.

Before the swirling Spring wind engulfed me as I descended the steps of the bus at the Powell street stop, I got to know that Gordon came to the US from Hong Kong when he was 12; he could have been in my shoes; he had been driving the bus for 9 years.

Being recognized on the bus and on the streets is not a rare occurrence for me. Due to ethnic media support and community's acceptance of my new role in life, I got to meet many wonderful folks who had kept me focused and not go astray. For that, I am always grateful.

Thanks to Gordon, life has another renewal meaning to me.

For the future that is now...

2009-02-26T23:42:00.000-08:00

...the words of Nellie Wong printed on the poetry book "the DEATH of LONG STEAM LADY" she gave me. The book was printed in 1986. At 74, Nellie's pen continues to flow on paper and penetrates our hearts with her thoughts through observations in the presence... how lucky am I to get a limpse of her creativity... I wait patiently for her Chinese chicken salad...

I am still here

2009-02-18T22:59:00.000-08:00

Happy new breath everyone!

It's been way too long since I've written in my blog. Time is flying by. A couple of my friends reminded me tonight that they used to read my blog all the time to keep up with my updates. I had a good time writing everyday. I appreciated the opportunity to share my thoughts with folks in the free world. I still do, but I do it through my job and speaking engagements. I want to start writing again. I want to be connected to more people in the world.

Thank you for your support.

Breathin'

Your Life is a Miracle

2008-09-30T23:41:00.000-07:00

Always love the following quote by Marianne Williamson. "God = Universe"

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated form our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Reentry works

2008-09-29T22:26:00.000-07:00

San Francisco's 3rd Annual Reentry Summit took place today at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. Public Defender Jeff Adachi, District Attorney Kamala Harris, Sheriff Hennessy, Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi and the Safe Communities Reentry Council consolidated their effort to promote the importance of providing resources for the formerly incarcerated.

The hightlight of the summit was witnessing so many formerly incarcerated people gathered in one space to share their success stories. As we all know, more often in times, the formerly incarcerated gets a bad rap. The mainstream media and majority of the politicians only hightlight the violence on the streets, high crime rates and high recidivism rate. Hardly is there mention of those who had changed their lives and are making significant contribution in the community in reducing violence and create a safer society for all. Where's the media when we need them? I guess what does bleed doesn't lead continues to be the media policy.

The Safe Community Reentry Council produced a resource guide for those who are incarcerated and formerly incarcerated to help their reentry. It called "GETTING OUT & STAYING OUT A Guide to San Francisco Resources for People Leaving Jails and Prisons." People who are interested in getting copies of the guide can contact reentry.council@sfgov.org

San Francisco has more resources and funding in comparasion to many other cities. Yet, not much has change when it comes to address the root cause of violence. The resource guide for the incarcerated and formerly incarcerated is only a small BandAid to a systemetic societal problem. Until there is a just system of law that truly treats everyone equally, abolition of the Prison Industrial Complex is an alternative.

After all, good intentions without substance only prepetuates the cycle of violence and recidivism.

Reentry works? Only if you work it? Reentry to what?

Critical Resistance 10 (CR10)

2008-09-28T21:04:00.000-07:00

When the first historic Critical Resistance conference took place in 1998 on UC Berkeley campus I was in San Quentin State Prison serving a life sentence. How I had wished that I could attend the conference and represent the voices of prisoners. Since I had no idea when I was going to be a part of the free world, I participated the conference by listening to KPFA.

That was ten years ago. This weekend Critical Resistance celebrated its ten year anniversay in highlighting the theme of prison abolition. Another historical conference took place. This time I was there. I had the priviledge of participated in a workshop with the Asian Prisoners Support Committe, Rico Riemedio and German Yambao. We were able to discuss the alarming population rise of Asian and Pacific Islander (API) prisoner in the past 20 years, the impact of incarceration particular to API prisoners, their families and the community, language barriers, deportation, mental health, and the lack of cultural compentent resources that are necessaried to facilitate their rehabilitation. We also talked about the book "Other: an Asian & Pacific Islander Prisoners' Anthology."

I appreciate the presence of members of The Asian Prisoner Support Committee (APSC) Ben Wang, Sun Lee, and Serena Huang. For the past three years they have worked with API prisoners to educate the broader community about the growing number of APIs in the U.S. being imprisoned, detained, and deported. APSC seeks to expose the root causes of why more and more APIs are going to prison, such as the crisis of our educational system, the lack of access to resources for low-income immigrants, war and imperialism.

During the CR10 weekend, I was able to reconnect with old friends and made new friends and allies. The massive concentration of knowledge occupying the sacred space at Laney college of Oakland California examplified people's power and determination to the mission of abolishing the Prison Industrial Complex.

The struggle continues...

Super huge shout outs to all the volunteers and members of CR for their contribution in making CR10 a memory that will last throughout the space of time.

Reaching out to Oakland

2008-04-28T22:34:00.000-07:00

I live in Oakland, but I work in San Francisco. Therefore, most of my time is spent in San Francisco. I've been doing many speaking engagements in middle schools, high schools, colleges, universities and community based organizations. Whenever I get invitations to share my experience with people, I am there. However, most of my speaking engagements have been conducted in the city where I work.

It's known that San Francisco has more resources to service the youth and community than Oakland. I wanted to do more speaking in Oakland, especially sharing with the youth. Thankfully, the National Council on Crime and Delinquency gave me the opportunity to reach out to the youth population in Oakland. I spoke at Roosevelt Middle School this afternoon to promote self respect, importance of education and being responsible to about a hundred youth. I also had the pleasure of connecting with folks from the East Bay Asian Youth Center. It's the beginning of a series of talk in Oakland schools. I always welcome the opportunity to share with others.

So Oakland, here I come.

Policing

2008-04-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

During traffic hour the Bart is often packed. But I'd rather take the Bart going to the city of San Francisco than driving through the traffic on the freeway any day. Plus, riding the Bart allows me to be in the presence of people and observe their behaviors.

I was riding the Bart the other day and witnessed an exchange that bothered me. A Caucasian Lady was getting on the Bart with her bike, but an Asian gentleman stopped her. He stated that no bike should be in the Bart during rush hours. It says so on the sign, he pointed at the wall. The lady said there's room for her and the bike. Another Caucasian lady told the lady to just get on. She got on. The gentleman's face was contorted by her defiant. As the Bart came to a stop at the next station, the gentleman pulled out his IPhone and took a picture of the lady with the bike like a Secret Service agent. There's a hint of a smile on his face, a I'll teach you to defy me satisfaction.

I took a deep breath and let it out.

War - what is it good for?

2008-04-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

I remember standing on top of the cold and gray metallic table on the yard reciting a poem to two African American prisoners and a prison guard holding his Mini-14 rifle looking down from the yard tower. That was five years ago. I wrote the poem on war when I was in San Quentin's solitary confinement as a result of signing the proposal advocating for Ethnic Studies in the college program. I had plenty of time in the cell to write since I was locked up 24/7. Once I finished the poem, I couldn't wait to share it with people. I had a limited audience then. Sadly, five years later, the killing continues in Iraq. Therefore, I want to share the following poem with all of you...

A Peace Making War

For Yuri Kochiyama, Nellie Wong, and the Iraqi people

By Eddy Zheng

4/16/03

There is a war raging in Iraq

No No No

Not the war that is killing human beings

to terminate a regime and set up a puppet government

to maintain control over oil and natural resources

to exert political and military dominance

to preserve the superpower status

to hoard the largest arsenal of weapons of mass destruction

No No No

There is a peace-making war going on in Iraq

the United States Great Britain and their allies are waging a war

out of desperation again poverty

the troops are hundreds of thousands strong

circling Iraq like worker bees

As a warning to the Iraqi people of their peace mission

B-52 bombers are dropping tons of food and medicine

to ensure Saddam Hussein and his guards from resisting

reconnaissance planes are spying and locating their positions

so B-1 bombers can drop loud speakers and radios playing “Blowing in the Wind”

As a humble gesture the Air Force waits until nightfall

and sends out stealth bombers to drop off more food undetected

Satellites are pinpointing the most poverty-stricken areas

so smart bombs and laser-guided missiles can deliver

supplies to each household with precision

E-8C Joint Stars Grounds Surveillance planes

are hovering over Iraq 24/7

whenever a child is spotted without clothes

Apache helicopters are dispatched to drop some off

whenever a woman is spotted being verbally or physically abused

Blackhawk helicopters are dispatched to send a team

of Alternative to Violence facilitators to settle the conflict

checkpoints are set up to make sure no one gets away

without getting his or her needs met

During all the food bombings it is reported that several missiles

full of rice accidentally went to North Korea

MI Abrams tanks are delivering yellow roses to all women

acknowledging their bravery for enduring an oppressive government

The 3^rd Battalion 7^th Infantry regiment is going door to door

to deliver books school supplies computers and sporting goods to kids

the C-130 cargo planes are delivering

tons of foods clothes water medicine blankets vegetables trees

Thousands of teacher doctors nurses environmentalists engineers economists

volunteered

to rebuild schools hospitals houses mosques roads power plants parks playgrounds

F-18 Hornet Fighter Jets are making runs at the rate of

6000 food sorties a day

Day by day the troops are taking over cities villages towns ports

everywhere they roll poverty is eliminated

ABC CBS CNN NBC FOX are covering this peace-making war

daily globally

Citizens of the earth are supporting the humanitarian troops

people are pouring into the streets in shifts

singing “Peace is Flowing Like a River”

donating food clothes supplies money

writing letters of encouragement signs of solidarity

Police officers are all over the place

instead of riot gear batons shields tear gas bean bags wooden pellets

they set up refreshment stations help collect donated items

give out good Samaritan citations

As the war comes to an end

the only casualties are

facial soreness from smiling too much

exhaustion from delivering food

faint spells from the natural high of helping people

dehydration from celebrating

The Iraqi people are liberated

No more

sanctions hunger hatred subjugation of women

persecution of non-believers

oppressive government prisons poverty

The nations of the world are rejoicing

they are wondering

Is the peace-making war on poverty over?

No No No

The peace-making war does not stop with Iraq

rumor has it

Syria North Korea Iran Cuba are next

The magnanimous and fearless leader

Mr. George Walker Bush vows

until the United States gets rid of poverty globally

there is no stopping him

Hallelujah

The peace-making war in poverty is spreading like SARS

can you hear it

Crazy laughter

can you see it

Happy tear

can you smell it

Peace potion

can you feel it

Mad love

can you taste it

Sweet victory

Yes Yes Yes

at last at last

for the first time in her-story

America lives up to its manifest propaganda

we are a peaceful nation

Hallelujah

22

2008-01-07T23:49:00.000-08:00

Twenty two years ago today I committed a crime that changed the lives of an innocent family, my family and myself. Whenever I think about my crime, I feel ashamed. I will always feel that way until I take my last breath.

I have moved on with my life. However, my past dictates who I am today. Therefore, I will continue to pay for the wrongs I've done. That is called karma. As I share my experiences with the youth, I always emphasis the point "When you do good things, good things will happen to you; when you do bad things, bad things will happen to you." The things that happened in my life is the perfect example.

2008 is going to be another awesome year for me. As long as I am freed and dedicated in serving the youth and community, everything is going to be all good.

Happy new year everyone!

Con Artist

2007-12-05T22:39:00.000-08:00

There is a con artist going around in San Francisco's Tenderloin district targeting youth non-profit organizations.

This afternoon I received a call from a person from a collaborative youth organization telling me that her laptop and cell phone were taken by a con artist.

Well, that was the same person who came to my organization and got me for my personal cell phone.

The guy claimed to work for Charles Swabb and was dropping off some donated computers for the organization. He asked for tax write-off receipt. Then he would scope the place out while pretending to learn more about the organization. Next he would ask for some coffee as a distraction. Then he would make his move to take valuables while nobody's looking.

The reason he got me was because he said he was going to donate 150 gifts for the youth in the Christmas party that the Community Youth Center is organizing. I got too excited and never saw all the warning signs.

So far this guy had struck twice and succeeded. He's going to do it again until he's caught. Hopefully it will be soon.

Here's his profile:

Light skinned black male
early 40s to mid 40s
around 6 foot 1
approximately 175lbs to 180lbs
solid built
almost shaved head
wore big name brand sunglasses
wore hat or beanie
claimed to be from Charles Swabb to donate computers
claimed to left cell phone and business card in his car
carries a remote home entertainment system as prop
ask for coffee to distract attention so he can scope out the area and makes his move

Much to be Thankful for

2007-11-22T21:47:00.000-08:00

It's my first thanksgiving as a freed man and an adult. I spent it with my family eating a traditional meal of turkey, mashed potato, sweet potato, stuffing and pumpkin pie. My grandfather used to cook for the family on thanksgiving when I was a kid. Now my Dad is the cook. Being able to sit at the table with family to enjoy a variety of home cooked food is heavenly. After dinner, I was able to sit in a hot tub accompanied by the crystal clear moon and twinkle stars. Can life get any better than that?

I'm grateful for the support of my family and friends over the years to enable me to experience so many first encounters in life. I'm thankful to have your presence in my life.

Happy new month

2007-11-01T15:07:00.000-07:00

It's the first day of November. That's means we're two months away from 2008. Time flies as usual.

My blogging is still sporadic. I still need to set up my wireless at home so I can get online. Sometimes I miss being able to write my blogs daily and send them to Jeanne so she can post them for me.

I went to my first professional football game last Sunday. It's the 49ers vs. the New Orlean Saints. The game wasn't too exciting because the Saints destroyed the Niners. However, after watching football games all my life on a tv screen, I didn't care about the outcome of the game. One of the best part of being in the game was being with old friends.

My work as a street outreach worker puts me in contact with many API youth. Last Friday, when I was able to conduct a conflict mediation between about 80 Chinese youth successfully, I felt my work was validated. I couldn't help but reflect on the times that I'd done conflict mediation when I was in prison successfully. I utilized the same technique to resolved a potentially violent situation. Then I was able to provide part time job for a couple of the youth as well as developed relationships with them. I love my job.

In the next two months I will be experiencing many firsts. My mind and heart are opened.

The 21st Century Angela Davis

2007-10-24T22:22:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday I had the opportunity to attend a fundraiser at Angela Davis' home for preparation of the 10th anniversary of Critical Resistance conference next year. I was curious to meet the person that I had read and heard so much about while I was in prison. According to different literature, Angela Davis was a revolutionary woman who was in the Black Panther's Party, a comrade of George Jackson and other Black revolutionaries among many other things.

When I arrived at Angela Davis' house, the million dollar scenery immediately captured my attention. Then I saw all the white people packed the house. There's two black caters cooking food in the kitchen, a white bartender serving wine. The music was jamming while people eat, drink, mingle and enjoying the view. Then, for the first time in my life, I saw Angela Davis. She looked different from the pictures I saw on books. She's not dark skinned nor does she has an Afro. Instead she wore her golden dyed hair short with curls and her skin was bronze color.

Angela Davis made her pitch to raise funds for next year's Critical Resistance Conference and people donated. At one point she asked whether anyone would like to say something. I was tempted to ask some questions, but decided to hold my tongue for the fear that I would ruin the event. However, I did introduce myself to her.

Our conversation went something like this:

Me - Hi, Ms. Davis. My name is Eddy Zheng. I just want to say hi.
Davis - Hi. Didn't we meet...?
Me - No, this is first time we meet.
Davis - Are you working with the Critical Resistance?
Me - No, I work for CYC for the Community Response Network - Asian Pacific Islander in San Francisco. But I will be participating in the Critical Resistance conference next year.
Davis - So you will be involve with the Critical Resistance.
Me - Yes. Nice to meet you.

I left Angela Davis' house thinking that her house must worth 2 million dollars.

SFSU

2007-10-19T18:15:00.000-07:00

Not everyone can stand in front of an audience and speak comfortably. I am fortunated to have no fear when it comes to public speak. Just give me a forum and I can talk for hours, especially when I am talking about myself.

Professor Russell Jeng from the San Francisco State University's Asian American Studies class invited me to speak to the students. It was an honor for me to share my story and experience with university students because they are willing to lisen. One thing I learned from my talk was I need more time to share my story. In order for my sharing to be effective, I have to have two hours. So one thing I thought of doing is to design a curriculum to teach in a class format. That way I can cover all the issues that people are interested in.

I enjoyed sharing with the students after class. They are a captive audience. As the school year continues, I will have many opportunities to share my experiences in the university setting.

Sitting

2007-10-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

Counting breath without thinking about anything is extremely difficult. I'm only talking about counting from one to ten. As I was sitting among a community of people during meditation, I noticed that I've been out of practice. My mind was roaming so fast that I couldn't keep up with counting my breathing one breath at a time. However, there's this comfortable and familiar feeling settled within me. It allowed me to be in the presence with those around me. As usual, the support from the community sustained me. After all, it was my first sitting with a community of people of color.

A new friend invited me to the evening sitting that she'd organized in her house. I decided to go check it out since I haven't been meditating in a group setting. Since she lived fairly close to my house, I rode my bike to her place. It's my first time riding my bike going from and to a destination. (I experience many firsts.) Once everyone showed up for the sitting, we did two rounds of stretches that each one took turns to lead. Then we sat for thirty minutes. After that, we shared tea, fruit and how we felt about the sitting. Through the sitting, I realized how much I missed sitting with a community of people for personal healing.

Sitting is living...sitting is being...sitting is healing

Little Rooms

2007-10-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

A friend was sharing with me that for the first time in her life she is living in a big room by herself. As the conversation went on, I realized that I never lived in a big room by myself my entire life. When I was in China, I slept with my aunt on a bed that was made up with two wooden stood and four planks of wood. I shared the room with my sister and brother. After I came to the US, I slept in the living room sofa and shared a room with my sister. Then the 21 years I was locked up, I slept in rooms that are smaller than any average bathroom at home. Now I'm still sleeping in a room about the size of a bathroom. (I'm not complaining at all.) I find it interesting that I didn't noticed this fact until now.

I wonder what effect it has on me psychologically having slept in small rooms all of my life, if any.

Body Fat

2007-10-02T17:08:00.000-07:00

For the longest time I thought I have about 10% body fat (not that I've measure it before) because I'm a fairly fit guy. So when the 24 Hour fitness trainer told me that I have 16% body fat, I was surprised. Not that having 16% body fat is a bad thing, I just thought I was better than that.

I joined 24 Hour Fitness (it's half a block from my work site)so I can workout to keep myself in shape, but it's difficult to make time to exercise. The good thing is I am getting up early to jog around Lake Merritt three times a week. If I can only make it to the gym three times a week, I will be a happy camper.

Physical and mental healthy are extremely important. I can't see myself not exercising and just vegetate.

Independence Day

2007-10-01T17:11:00.000-07:00

Today is the People's Republic of China's Independence Day. It's going into its 58th year. Wherever there's mainland Chinese people in the world, they're celebrating. They're proud to be Chinese. However, whether everyone likes the way the current Chinese government is running the country, that's another story. After all, the ambitious ideology of pursuing a socialist and communist system has disappeared with the embrace of opening to the west and market reform. Capitalism has once again reversed the communist revolution. Freedom comes with conditions. Democracy becomes the new jingoism. "It's the end of the world as we know it." That's just the lyric of a song.

Mao proclaimed at the steps of Tienanmen Square to the world in October 1, 1949, "The Chinese people have stood up." I wonder whether the people are still standing.

Random Thoughts

2007-09-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in Joe's cubicle at the Mission Community Response Network (CRN)in San Francisco typing this. I'm waiting for him to get his street outreach team ready so we can hit the streets of Mission where gangs are a fixture. I'll be riding with the Mission CRN team to observe how it serve its neighbor in this fight to reduce violence in the community. It's one way for me to learn and collaborate with other street outreach worker so I can maximize my potential to help the Asian Pacific Islander community.

The more I get into my work the more I notice how busy I can be. I want to keep up with writing my blog daily, but somehow I can't seem to find time to sit down and write. There's so much I want to share with everyone about my experiences and observations as a return member to this "free world."

Though I've only been out here for a little over 6 months, I feel like I've been out here for along time - staying busy all the time is a factor.

I live in Oakland and work in San Francisco so I have to commute to work daily. However, I don't have a licence to drive. But I've gotten my driving permit and is learning how to drive. Yes, I knew how to drive when I was a kid - driving recklessly. I did get scared when I was got behind the wheel. I was afraid that I would hit the parked cars or the cars coming toward me. I didn't have a feel for the road. I didn't have that problem when I was a kid. I was fearless. As an adult, I'm more cautious and aware of the potential danger comes with driving.

I was on the panel in the Public Defender's second annual Safe Community Reentry Summit yesterday in San Francisco State University. Though there was a lack of API presence, I was able to highlight the issues dealing with API prisoners who are incarcerated in California's 33 prisons. There's a dire need for education and providing resources that are cater to the API population.

The Cliff House restaurant at Ocean Beach serves delicious food with a million dollar view.

Ishle Yi Park says, "Work is love." I love my work.

Just another day

2007-09-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

September 11 is almost over. Everyone has a different way to embrace this historical date. One thing remains the same is people are still dying. For me 9/11 is just another day, like a birthday. It's all in the mind. All of a sudden the words of Bob Dylan comes to mind, "How many people must die before you will hear people cry?"

How little I know

2007-09-09T16:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had moments when you ask yourself how little you know about life or your work? I had one of those moments today when I was sitting among a group of scholars, community activists, and educators who was brainstorming a symposium on Asian Pacific Islanders celebrating community organizing against injustice and raising awareness on taboo issues. As I was listening to this young Asian American queer woman activist spoke about the process of a desired outcome in measuring the success of a symposium, I realize there's so much I need to learn about organizing and activism. Wisdom and knowledge are not confined by age. That's why learning is endless. It is humbling and inspiring for me to be in the presence of people who can help me reflect and question - what is it that I am not doing to improve myself?

APA Five Inspires

2007-09-06T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not a gambler, but for charity I participated in the APA Five Charity Poker Tournament hosted by Asian American Donor Program & Asians for Miracle Marrow Matches. Of course, sitting next to Miss San Jose and the Mayor of Sunnyvale helped increase the interest.

It's also cool to watch Glenn Fajardo slapping the bass guitar during the jam session with Lumaya. That brother got down.

It's an honor for me to be included in the leadership conference put together by APA Five over the Labor Day weekend. I was on the Overcoming Cultural Taboos panel and conducted a Mentorship session. It was exciting to meet some awesome folks who are making a positive difference in the community. I also had the opportunity to connect with some talented people from Hyphen magazine.

Networking is an important way to increase human connection and extend our social circles. I love it.

My father's love

2007-08-31T22:12:00.000-07:00

Before I came back to the free world, my parents normally stay at my sister's house during the weekdays and only live in their house in Oakland during the weekends. After I came home, my Mom became the designated "baby sitter" to make sure I am cared for. After being away from her side for twenty one years, she felt the need to show me her motherly love.

At the same time, my Dad felt the same way. When my parents decided to go to stay with my sister for a week, my Dad worried that I wouldn't be able to take care of myself. He told my Mom that he would drop her off and come back to stay with me so he can cook for me. He told my Mom that I had been away for too long, now that I'm home he felt guilty that I have to be alone. He felt like he's abandoning me. My Mom had to convince him that I'll be all right before he's willing to leave. Of course, Dad cooked enough food for a week before he's satisfied that I wouldn't go hungry.

How can I not love and appreciate my Dad!?

The Legend of Bruce Lee

2007-08-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

"Bruce Lee! Bruce Lee!" I heard an exciting voice calling.

I truned my head toward the direction of the voice and saw a young African American on bike standing next to a Latino American.

The brother had a colgate smile on his face as he walked toward my direction and yelled, "Bruce Lee!"

I looked at hime and said, "What's up?"

"It is Bruce Lee! It is Bruce Lee!" he proclaimed enthusiastically.

I asked for his name and shook his hand.

He walked away happily.

It must be the Hawaiian Sun...

2007-08-24T16:34:00.000-07:00

If things had worked out the way I wanted, I would be in Hawaii attenting the Annual Convention of Council for Native Hawaiian Advancement & National Coalition for Asian Pacific American Community Development today and kicking it on the beaches. Instead, I am working. Not that working is a bad thing since I love my job helping the youth and community, but I would rather be in Hawaii.

The truth is I have to remember that I am a parolee. That means I do not have total freedom of movement. (not that we have total freedom anyway) As a parolee, I have to ask for permission to go anywhere beyond 50 mile radius of my residence. As a ex life prisoner, whenever I travel out of state, I have to get written permission from my parole agent, his supervisor and the reginal administrator. After that, I have to get permission from my ICE agent. I was fortunate that I had gotten approval to go to New York and Washington D.C. However, I was not lucky enough to get permission to go to Hawaii. That was fine with me. What I did not like was that I lost $525 because I had brought the ticket ahead of time. That is one week of my paycheck. I could have gotten some refund, but the news of my disapproval came one day before I was scheduled to leave for Hawaii. So I spent $525 on feeling the excitment of going to Hawaii and the disappointment of not being able to go.

That is the way things go in life sometimes - I can't always get what I want. Life is still good.

Black August

2007-08-21T11:34:00.000-07:00

When I was inside the pen I had opportunities to join the annual Black August commemoration with the African American brothers. Sometimes I listened and other times I shared. I always thought it was a privilege for me to be able to connect with people from different racial groups.

This year I am able to join the Black August commemoration again, the difference is I am in the free world. The organizers invited me to speak along with a group of respected revolutionaries included Kumasi, Chief Ernie Longwalker and his wife Warrior Woman, Richard Aoki and Yuri Kochiyama. It was an honor for me to be in their presence and sharing my thoughts with all the brother and sisters who believe in change and community.

I hope all the brothers and sisters who are still in captivity know that they are not alone or forgotten.

Eastern Medicine on the Bus

2007-08-16T13:14:00.000-07:00

An Asian teenager got on the bus with his grandfather who's holding a big trash bag of aluminum cans. The older man dropped the bag off and smiled at me. Then he sat next to me and told me that he'd saw me on tv. He said that everyone makes mistakes and that I'm doing good helping the youth. He told me that he's 72 years old. (He didn't look a day older than 65.) I thanked him and asked where he came from. He's actually from the same village as my Mom. He said he also helps people because he knows how to feel pulse to diagnos health problems. I asked him to check my pulse. He did and told me that I'm healthy, but I haven't been sleeping soundly. He wrote out a formula of Chinese herbs for me to cook and drink. He said it will help me. I thanked him and exchanged contact information with him.

Everyday when I'm on the road and in the public is an adventure.

Youth Guidance Center

2007-08-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

The Youth Guidance Center (YGC) sounds like a recreation center where youth can play sports, receive counseling, and find resources to empower themselves. In reality, YGC is a juvenile hall that locks up youth who have been in trouble with the law. Its new designed compacity holds up to 150 juveniles.

Twenty-one years ago, I was a youth who occupied one of the rooms in YGC. Today I am a case manager and outreach worker for a community youth center going into YGC to share my experience with the youth occupants. The sole reason the youth want to participate in any programing offered by outside agencies is so that they can get out of their cells. They don't want to locked up. That's the same feeling I had when I was in YGC. I went all the programs that were offered so I could avoid being stuck in the cell and look at the walls. So when I started talking to the youth they were not listening. They just wanted to chat with the other youth. Then when I told them that I have been locked up longer than they have been alive, they gave me their undivided attention. I understood what they're going through. That is the instant creditibility that other youth counselors don't have. I was able to maximize the 40 miniutes I have with them to emphasis the importance of respect, education and responsibility. At the end, I got my message across.

The difficult thing for me was leaving those kids behind. I don't think I'll ever change that feeling.

Back to Jail

2007-08-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

I didn't think that I would be going back to jail this soon, but I did.

No, don't fret. It's my choice to go to jail this time around. The San Francisco Youth Commission invited me to go to San Bruno County Jail to look at a program called "Resolve to Stop the Violence Project (RSVP). "RSVP implemented throught the San francisco Sheriff's Department, was designed to test a hypothesis concerning the causes and prevention of violence through a jail-based violence prevention experiment."

I went inside the jail for two days to observe the prisoners participate in the program. The first thing I noticed walking inside the housing unit was the smell. There was this strong odor that I'd recognize anywhere - the smell of dirty laundry. The other visitors didn't smell it. It's a prison thing. I can never forget that stench smell of orange clothing on prisoners' backs.

The prisoners were separated in groups under the supervision of one outside facilitor to conduct the sessions. Some of them lead the discussion and others give feedback. Everyone participated in the process of embracing the deconstruction of violence in order to reduce violence in their lives. Whatever reasons motivated those guys to join the RSVP or how much they get out of it, they have started the healing process.
I believe there should be more programs like that in all prisons as well as schools and in the community.

I was in those types of self-help program myself. It works. As I walked out of the jail, I remembered that it used to be the other way around - me staying in prison and others walking out. Freedom is great.

Stop Prison Expansion

2007-07-27T12:17:00.000-07:00

At the time when youth truancy and inter-racial violence are a fixture plaguing our youth in schools and communities across the state, we are in dire need of educators and resources to address the problems. How can we say that the youth are our future when more money are spent on building more prison beds than education. It sickens me to know that some Correctional Officers can make over two hundred thousand dollars a year as babysitters in human warehouses the state called "California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation's (CDCR)." "Thirty-six state prison employees - from corrections officers to doctors, nurses and other medical staff - earned more than $100,000 in overtime pay during 2006...Statewide, prison employees were paid more than $500 million in overtime during the year, a 35 percent increase for the previous year." (SF Chronicle 7/15/07)

When the governor approved over 7 billion dollars to build 53,000 new prison beds, we know where his priority lies.

The community has to come to together and speak up for our youth. Let's stop the expansion of prisons and start the empowerment of our youth. Let's listen to our youth and ask them what they want. Power to the youth.

Where is my Traveling Affirmation Book?

2007-07-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. I know I haven't been consistently updating my blog since I've been out, but I'm going to change that. I hope everyone is still interested in what I have to share. Your support is extremely important to me.

I just recently thought about my Traveling Affirmaiton Book (TAB). Does anyone has any idea where the TAB could be? Can the friend who has the book please release his or her Kung Fu grip and send it to the next person or to me?

Thank you very much for your love.

Washington D.C.

2007-07-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

Yes. I've been doing some traveling lately. I'm fortunate to have an awesome big sister who love me. She's been taking me on trips to see the U.S. I want to do as much traveling as possible since I don't know when I'm going to get deported. It is about taking life one day at a time.

I only had one full day in Washington D.C. for sightseeing so my choices are limited. I decided to take a bus tour just so I get to see all the landmarks. I was able to go to the Smithsonian Areo Space Museum and American Indian museum. I also walked to the Capitol, the historical Reflecting Pool, and the White House. I wanted to go visit the White House, but I didn't have time to get clearance to go inside before my trip. I took the Metro train just to experience it. Between California, New York and Washington D.C., I like the New York subway better because it's cheaper and runs 24/7.

Overall, I had a great time. I still don't like the humid heat. Again, I wish I had more time to go to all the museums. Hopefully there'll be a next time.

My trip to Big Apple

2007-07-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

There's no way I can keep up with all the things I'm doing everyday. I just have to accept the fact that the pace of time is moving faster than when I was incarcerated. That's why it's so wonderful that I can just go with the flow.

On the 4th of July I went on my first trip out of California to New York. It's also my first time flying on the air plane in 25 years. I know, I'm experiencing many first times in my life. I thought I was going to be scare flying, but it's cool. Of course, flying business class helped.

My first impression of New York was that there's people everywhere and they walked fast. Then I noticed the high rise buildings and giant neon billboards. Maybe that's just because I was in Times Square. Also, people don't care about the traffic lights. They just walk.

I must share this encounter I had with New Yorkers. My personal cell phone didn't work because I have Metro PC plan. There's no service at all. Luckily I had my work cell phone with me with the Cingular plan. However, I brought the car charger with me rather than the wall charger. Low and behold, the battery went dead on me while I was talking to a friend who's giving instruction to the Bronx, where I'll be staying. So, with the car charger in my hand I went frantically around the block to find someone who can give me some juice for the phone. I asked a Latino guy who operates a cell phone store to help me. He said no. Then I asked an African American who was sitting in a tour bus doing nothing for a charge. He said the bus doesn't have a charger. I thought every vehicle has a charger. I went to a store that sells phones to buy a charger, but it costs $30. That's too expensive for me. I decided to walk around the blocks to see if I can find any good Samaritan to help me. That's when I came upon Steve, a Caucasian who's sitting in a Mercedez Benz. I knocked on his car window and explained my situation to him. He said his wife was shopping inside the fabric store so he's glad to help me. I stood on the street for 20 minutes to get my phone charged up. Steve was a life saver. Later on I brought a wall charger for $8 in Chinatown.

I stayed in Stanten Island with my childhood friends. I haven't seen them in 25 years. Too bad I didn't get to see my friends Dad before he passed on a week earlier. My friend showed me around New York. Then I was able to meet up with some friends whom I haven't seen for many years. I went to all the places that any tourist would go. The subway was my best friend. I didn't get to go watch a Broadway show because there's too many people waited in line for thickets. I also didn't go to any museum because there wasn't enough time.

One thing I didn't like was the humid heat that stuck to my body. Besides that, I wish I had more time in New York to explore and visit with friends. I do hope that there's a next time.

I'm grateful for the generous hospitality of my childhood friends, Bernice and her supermodel roommate.

Saving a Life

2007-06-25T18:52:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that a man named Vinay Chakravarthy , who has leukemia, is in desperate need of a bone marrown transplant to stay alive. His family and friends are searching for a match that can save Vinay's life. Vinay's chance for finding a match is through another South Asian. People of color is underrepresented in the data bank in the natinal morrow program, only 1.8% of the registered are South Asian descent. All it takes is a quick swab of the mouth to check whether you're a match, which can save Vinay's life.

Vinay's parents plead, "We cannot express in words what this is like. All we can do is implore you to close your eyes for a moment, and imagine that this is your son, your brother, your best friend. We are guessing you would move heaven and earth to help save his life…Vinay is the world to us - he is warm, funny, loving. We have watched him grow from a little baby, to a young boy playing sports, to a fine young man determined to be a doctor, to a man marrying the girl of his dreams. Please help us help our son have a chance to live - to be with his wife, with us, and his friends."

For more information about Vinay, please see:
www.helpvinay.org

Life is precious, please use your life saving power and spread the word. You just might save a life.

Quick check in

2007-06-22T16:19:00.000-07:00

I miss writing for my blog daily. I've been neglecting my blog entries since I returned to the free world. Time is a factor and discipline is another. I just have to do it.

I've networking with people from the different organizations. It's good to know that there're so many folks are working together to help the youth and community in their own capacities.

So one of the persons I've met was the Director of the San Francisco's Youth Commission. She's a cool lady to hang out with.

Live from CYC

2007-06-13T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's 8:45am and the main office of CYC is full of youth. They're getting ready to go to Great America for a day of rides, sun and fun. There'll be three buses load of youth (approximately 150) who are full of energy. This will be my second time going to Great America, the first time I was 13 years old. It'll be an interesting experience. I'll keep everyone posted.

Guided Meditation

2007-06-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

Guided Meditation
(by Steve Angel as altered by AVP, San Diego)

I am me.
In all the world there is no one else like me.
I have this one life to live.
The way I live my life can make a difference,
To the people close to me;
To those I live with - play with - work with;
To the community I live in;
And to the people I may never see.
I can use the love given to me to help others.
Sharing this love makes me happier and other happier.
When I am unkind to others in words or actions,
I destroy something in myself.
Love brings people together and builds.
Let my life be built on love.
Let me find the good in myself and the good in others.
Let me be a part of making this world a better place.
Let me be the REAL ME.
I am me.
I am a valuable person.
There will never be another me.

Retreat slash training

2007-06-04T23:27:00.000-07:00

It's the month of June already. These days I'm always playing catch up. However, I'm not trying to make up for lost time like most people. It's enough just to embrace the present.

I'm staying in a house in Pacifica doing a retreat slash training with my co-workers. My old friend Alice Waco and new friend Stephen Matchett are my co-facilitators in this three days alternative violence training. When I was in prison facilitating workshops with people from the outside, I talked about one day doing the training in the free world. Today, I'm doing it.

Before the training started, my co-workers were apprehensive about such long training. They were afraid that it's going to be long and boring. I too was feeling the anxiety of my co-workers not accepting the workshop. To my relief, everyone embraced the first day with enthusiasm. Though there's room for improvement, I'm satisfied with the process. I look forward to the reaction from them at the last day of our training. I have no doubt that we'd have built a strong community.

Everything in life is a process. As long as we can keep our minds open and take care of our responsibilities, things will fall into place automatically.

Change is Coming

2007-05-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

So much has gone on in the past couple of weeks I don't know even know where to beginning to share. I do know that I need to be more discipline in prioritizing my time. I can't keep letting things get into my way of writing and connecting with folks. I need to set aside time for reading and writing. My creative flow had stopped, but change is coming.

Some highlights of the past couple of weeks are going to the youth summit, Asian Law Caucus Gala, the second annual Asian Youth Cultural Festival, Nancy Pelosi's reception, speaking to youth at Greater Mission Consortium Youth Center, meeting/dinner with friends in Asian Prisoners Support Committee, visiting a school with Jane Kim, using my first power point in a presentation to an all Asian youth audience in CYC, seeing my friend Pablo for the first time in the free world, cherry picking, and eating dinner with my big sister and brother.

Yes, there's always work and pleasure.

Catching Up on the Blog

2007-05-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

Wow. I can't believe that my last blog was twelve days ago. Where did the time go?

I wanted to write earlier, but I have bad wireless connection. Somehow the local area wireless network is almost always unplugged. I'm glad I got connection tonight.

So much has happened since the last time I worte I don't even know where to start. I guess I have to share my thoughts on the first Mother's Day with you. Since I knew that it'd be difficult for me to get a RSVP in a Chinese restaurant on Mother's Day, I decided to treat my Mom to dinner a day ahead. I invited Mom and the rest of the family for the celebration of Mother's Day. I gave Mom a dozen red roses and a greeting card. Everyone had a good time.

On Mother's Day, my Dad and I were able to spend some quality together. We sat under the trees in the front yard of a house to eat lunch. Dad shared his side of the family history with me, something I never knew. We reminsenced about my childhood and his days in the military. Later on we went swimming in a pool. It's the first time I've been in the pool in twenty years. At some point I felt like it's more like a Father's Day than Mother's Day.

I want to give a brief recap of what I've been doing for the last couple of weeks.

I went to Palo Alto High and spoke to about 350 students.

I did my book reading in Eastwind book store in Berkeley.

I attended the Asian Pacific American Heritage Month celebration in the War Memorial
Opera building.

I spoke at Balboa High and did presetations at Galieo High on anti violence and anti gang.

I went to bowling with my co-workers.

I went to Civil Center High to talk with a teacher about the struggles and challenges teachers faced.

I volunteered to clean up Delores Park in the Mission District and helped set up the Immigration Resource Fair in Portsmouth Square in San Francisco.

I testified in city hall's budget committee public hearings on passing supplemental funding for youth, low income families, LGBTQ communities and senoir citizens and the need for affordable wireless network for all San Franciscians.

I went jogging around Lake Merritt with friends.

As you can see, I've been keeping myself busy. When I was in prison there's not enough time in a day for me to do all the things I wanted to do. Nothing has change since I've been out in the free world. I'm grateful that I'm able to cherish my freedom.

Stop the Racist haters

2007-05-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

Dear All:

If you haven't heard, on April 20th the radio show "Dog House Prank Calls" air on WFNY(92.3 Free FM) around 11am ET. The host JV(Jeff Vandergrift) and Elvis(Dan Lay)who are from Bay Area placed a prank call to a Chinese resturant using racist and sexist derogretory terms to order food. The Chinese community are outraged by their unacceptable actions.

Please consider signing a petition to that demands the firing of two New York DJs and their producers. They need to be held accountable for their vicious behavior. Please see press release for detailed information and sign on before OCA's meeting on Friday with CBS.

http://www.ocanational.org/petition.html

KPFA Tour

2007-05-01T23:13:00.000-07:00

For many years I listened to programs on KPFA radio station FM 94.1, but I have never been to the station until today. Helen Zia and I went to KPFA station to do an interview with Weyland who hosts Hardknock radio. We were talking about the book Other: an Asian & Pacific Islander Prisoners' Anthology. There will be a book reading on Saturday, May 5th at 3:30pm at the Berkeley Eastwind bookstore.

After the interview Weyland gave me a quick tour of KPFA. I was able to meet some hosts of different shows that I've heard so much on the radio. It was when I went into the music storage room that I felt like a kid being in a candy store. There's probably thousands of CDs on the shelves. I wish I can have a copy of all the CDs.

It's a privilege for me to be in a place where all the alternative news and programs are produced. I hope I'll be able to visit the station more often or maybe even do a monthly segment on one of the shows. We'll see.

April Reflection

2007-04-30T23:11:00.000-07:00

The month of April came and went. Though I've only been out in the free world for two months and three days, it felt like I've been here for a long time. I contribute my smooth transition to the support of my family, friends and community, as well as my spontaneity.

During the month I've had the privilege to be invited to many speaking engagements. I had the opportunity to speak at middle schools, high schools, recreation centers and universities. Whenever I share with people I have an idea of what I want to talk about, but I never have a script. I like to come off the cuff. That form of speaking has worked out for me so far. However, I do see the need to prepare some focused topics with different length of time along with PowerPoint demonstrations to improve my presentations. I will be working on that in the month of May.

I thought the concept of time would change from inside of prison to the gated communities. It didn't. Time is still flying by. I still feel that there is not enough time in the day for me to do all the things that I want to do. Therefore, the only change is my responsibilities.

I enjoy connecting with people wherever I go. The Chinese community has truly embrace me as someone who has transform his life. Since I've been out, whenever I go to places where there's Chinese people they would recognize me and express their support for me. I'm grateful and amazed at their acceptance of me.

One thing that I love being out here is being able to spend some quality time with my family. To be able to sit down and share a home cooked meal made by my Mom feels heavenly.

Everyday has been a beautiful day to me. I'm ready to embrace the month of May.

My First Job

2007-04-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, for the first time in my life, I have my first job in the free world.

I'm working for the CYC Community Youth Center in San Francisco as a Case Manager/Outreach worker. The mission of CYC is to empower and strengthen high-need Asian youth and their families by providing comprehensive youth development through education, employment training, advocacy, and other support service. I'm also a part of the Community Response Network of Asian Pacific Islanders (CRN-API), which services youth in all schools and communities.

During my incarceration and transformation to become a better person, I'd longed to work for a youth organization so I can utilize my experiences to make a difference in the community. Today that longing has become a reality. I'm grateful for the opportunity to join the team of CYC staff to motivate our youth to succeed. I'm doing something that I enjoy and get pay for it. How can you beat that!?

It's time for me to start doing my part to save lives.

Cherry Blossom

2007-04-22T23:58:00.000-07:00

Some people have lived in San Francisco for years and haven't been to a Cherry Blossom festival, but I was there today. I took Bart to the city and ended up at the plaza in front of city hall. The parade floats were getting ready as well as the participants. I saw many people wearing animated customs scattered around. Later on I found out that it was the 9th anime custom contest. Photographers were clicking away while anime contestants were striking different poses. Of course, I took some pictures. There're many Japanese women wearing their traditional clothing to celebrate the Cherry Blossom.

Later on I went to Japantown and enjoyed the street fair where people of all diverse backgrounds, young and old, having a great time on a sunny day. Peace was flowing like a river.

The Big Three O

2007-04-20T22:48:00.000-07:00

The Chinatown Community Development Center (CCDC) had its 30th anniversary celebration today. I had the honor of attending the special occasion and met some wonderful people. It's great to see a diverse group of people who have served the community for years to get acknowledge for their work. The field of social work is always overwork and underpaid. However, the personal gratification of making a difference in the community is not something money can buy. Of course, there're also those who are jaded from the hard work. Social work is not for everyone - only the dedicated ones can endure.

CCDC has supported my release from prison and immigration detention. Reverend Norman Fong introduced me to the CCDC staff. I was able to take that opportunity to thank everyone for their support. I felt love from all the aunties and big sisters who embraced me and encouraged me to do well.

CCDC provides many programs for the people of San Francisco, those who are interested should check out www.chinatowncdc.org.

Other - the anthology

2007-04-19T23:05:00.000-07:00

It totally escaped my mind to tell everyone about the published of Other: an Asian & Pacific Islander Prisoners' Anthology. The Asian Prisoner Support Committee (APSC) had the book release on the night of my homecoming event at the end of March. Twenty-two prisoners and immigration detainees contributed to the anthology. They shared their thoughts through drawings, poetry, vingettes, and essays about their struggles behind bars. I appreciate the people who had brought the book. All the money goes to disaster relief funds and support political prisoners. We had been selling and promoting the anthology independently. (Actually, the Chinese newspaper The World Journal advertise the book for us.) The first printing of the book is almost gone, so we're getting ready to print more copies. We're hoping that some publishing company will pick up the press and mass produce it.

For those who are interested in getting the book, you can purchase it on myspace.com/asianprisoners.

There is a book reading scheduled for May 5th at the Eastwind book store in Berkeley. I'll announce the time and more information when I have more details.

I encourge everyone to buy the book or just check it out on the above link so we can learn more about APIs in prison. It is one way to stop the growing population of APIs in the prison system and minimize crimes in our community.

Let's talk about healing

2007-04-17T23:18:00.000-07:00

The tragic murders in Virginia Tech dominated the media in every way imaginable. My heart goes out to the victims' families. It will take a long time for them to heal.

When I did an interview with the Chinese Singtao radio station this morning, the hostess asked for my thoughts on the incident in Virginia Tech. I expressed that I didn't know the details or motive of the killings besides what the authority and media wanted people to know. Therefore, I couldn't comment on it until more is revealed. However, the fact that the shooter was an Asian and a legal permanent resident of the United States was highlighted in the media. The media is having a field day with that, as well as the politicians. This incident will definitely have an effect dealing with immigration reform and race relations.

Any loss of human life is tragic, whether it happened in Virginia Tech, in Iraq or on the streets. Instead of pointing fingers, what's important is how we as a society can stop the violence and heal.

Playing with Makeup

2007-04-15T23:21:00.000-07:00

My Mom got upset when she saw that I had two star and diamond shape earrings on my ears. She demanded that I take them off. I told her that I'd ask Dad for a second opinion. Her words were, "Your Dad will kill you. I'm only giving you a warning."

So I went to the kitchen where my Dad was sitting and showed him the earrings. He gave me a strange and no comment look. Mom was still telling me to take those earrings off.

I thought I had enough fun with them and told them that the earrings were stickers. My friend's beautiful five year old daughter had put them on me. She also put purple lipstick on my lips. She was playing makeup artist with me when I went to visit her for an hour. She told me that she gave me those earrings because she loves me and that I couldn't take them off. She dolled me up with her little makeup kit. She has potential.

My parents and I had a good laugh after I shared my little makeup session with them. My Mom will always try to keep me in line. I'm grateful for her love.

Be the Change

2007-04-13T23:51:00.000-07:00

I paced up and down the aisle in the June Jordan School's auditorium reviewing what I wanted to say to the high school students. The theme for the day is Be the Change. I decided to recite a poem that I wrote about the importance of education and end with a song that I used to sing in prison. I did not write down any notes. I like to shoot it off the cuffs. Since I had 15 minutes to address the students, I knew I had to keep my talk focused on the theme.

I was afraid that I would forget lines from my poem so took it with me to the podium just in case. However, I didn't need to read it because I had it down. The song, surprisingly, was all right, especially when I haven't sang for a long time. I thought I would be nervous. Somehow, singing to a school of students didn't faze me at all. They even clapped with the rhythm. The morning address of the assembly went well.

However, when I started my three workshops with small group of students, I didn't feel that I'd made a big impact. I knew they were listening, but they weren't responsive. It seemed like they're so jaded or desensitized that there's nothing I could tell them. They knew everything. I used to think the same way when I was their age. Well, I had to learn the hard way. I realize that we have to reach to those kids when they're in middle school. I hope something I'd shared with them today had touched them in some ways, whether they wanted to admitted or not.

Four of my friends accompanied me to the school workshops. It's good to have some moral support.

Changes have to come from within first. We all need to be the change everyday.

Cherish Your Loved Ones

2007-04-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

I didn't have any professional or social engagements today so my Mom insisted that we
go visit my uncle. I've been meaning to visit him, but I didn't have any transportation or time since I've been out. My sister-in-law took time to drive us to visit my uncle.

Three years ago my uncle had a stroke and was left paralyzed from the waist down. He's been living in a health care home where nurses are taking care of him. He's still hoping to walk one day, but there's no progress so far.

When I was into the room where my uncle was eating lunch, my aunt was feeding him. She was surprised when she saw me and gave me a huge hug. Then I said hi to my uncle and gave him a hug. He recognized me right away and blurred out my name as tears rolled down from his eyes. It's the first time we saw each other in 22 years.

While I was visiting my uncle, I saw many seniors who were in wheelchairs.　They all seemed to be suffering from some type of illness. They didn't have any visitors. They just sat there around the tables. Some were sleeping, others were eating. One woman was playing with a doll. Another one was playing with three drinking straws. Later on, an older guy came to room and started to play music on a keyboard. It provided some entertainment, but most of the ladies just sat there with little reactions. As I looked around the room, I thought to myself how much a difference it would make if there're children or youth there to visit them. It's sad seeing all the seniors sitting there like zombies. The reality is one day all of us can end up like that.

I'm grateful that I was able to visit my uncle and aunt. At least we're having a relationship.

I just want to cherish my loved ones everyday.

My First with Ishle Yi Park

2007-04-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

The first time I met Ishle it was in Solano State Prison on 6/28/03. She came visited me with Anmol. I had heard so much about her and read her awesome poetry. It was a humble and inspirational experience for me. She's totally down to earth.

We kept in touch on and off throughout the years. I read her poetry book and listened to her CD Work in Love whenever I wanted to get motivate or just chill. Of course, I share her works with other prisoners who appreciate her art.

Today I meet Ishle for the first time in the free world. I went to UC Berkeley and watched her perform to the class of Poetry for the People. She was as awesome as I had imagined. I witnessed the amount of emotion and passion she put into her performance. It's mesmerizing when the meditative words and songs flew out of her mouth like petals of cherry flowers flowing in the air after being hit by a strong breeze. She made performing poetry look easy. Yet, we have no ideal how much work and practice she has to put in to create that flow - like water in a gentle stream.

I wish I was able to record her performance, but my camera ran out of juice. I'm grateful to be able to watch her do her magic with spoken words for the fisrt time. I stil feel humble and inspire. She is still awesome and down to earth.

After Ishle's gig, we went to eat some delicious Indian food and kick it. I look forward to the many more first with Ishle Yi Park. You can look her out at www.ishle.com

Life is good.

Sentenced Home

2007-04-11T09:48:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's Wednesday already. I thought time was flying when I was inside prison. Now that I'm out, the days are going by even faster. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to embrace and enjoy my days out here.

Last night I had the priviledge of screening the film Sentenced Home in San Francisco's public library. Sentenced Home hightlights three Cambodian refugees' struggles being caught up in the immigration deportation policy. Two of the guys were deported to Cambodia and the other awaits deportation. I was one of the panelists who spoke on the effects of the 1996 Illegal Immigration Reform & Immigrant Responsibility Act (IIRIRA), which orders the mandatory deportation and detention of any non US citizens who had committed any "aggravated felony, had on me. Because the IIRIRA is retroactive, it doesn't matter how long someone has committed a crime, she or he can be detained and deported without much due process and relief.

Everyone is effected by the injust immigration laws that target immigrants because either we're immigrants or we know someone who's an immigrant. Therefore, we need to raise awareness in our immediate communities and learn more about immigrantion laws who break up families. For more infomation on the film Sentenced Home, please log on to WWW.ITVS.ORG/OUTREACH.

My First Skiing Trip

2007-04-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

One of the many places my sister wants to take me to see is Lake Tahoe. However, due to my parole and immigration restrictions, I have to ask for permission whenever I go beyond 50 mile radius of my residence. Yes, my temporary freedom comes with many conditions. My handlers have been super cool. They gave me permission to go to Lake Tahoe and spend some quality time with my family.

The first night I got to the rented house in Truckee, a blanket of stars welcomed me. I don't remember the last time, if ever, I've seen so many bright stars. It's like a goddess had dumped a million stars in one spot of the sky. When I took a few deep breathes of air, the smell of trees filled my lung. What global warming?

It's the end of the ski season so there isn't much snow. The weather was great for skiing. I went to beginners slop with my nephews. Of course, they're better skiers than I am. After my brother-in-law gave me some tips on making fries and pizza, I was on my way. I spent about three hours on the baby slop practicing my turns. Then I went to try a steep slop. I was doing all right until the last couple of runs. That's when I fell. I still have problems turning. Aside from that I did well for a first timer. I enjoyed myself.

My family had hot pot for dinner and took plenty of pictures. I love the family time.

Given the opportunity, I'd definitely come back for another skiing trip. Hopefully there will be plenty of snow.

Being in such a serene and secluded environment, it's easily to forget that there're so much chaos in the world. It's good to get away from it all once in awhile.

Where are the good Samaritans?

2007-04-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

I wasn't able to pay my phone bill on the phone so my service was cutted off for a few hours. I had an interview with the Chinese Singtao radio station this morning. A friend offered to pick me up at the Bart station and drive me to the radio station located in Brisbane. I didn't know where she'd be waiting for me and I couldn't call her. I asked a guy who was holding a cell phone in his whether I could use his phone to make a local call. He regused. I thanked him for his time.I explained to another guy my delimma, but he refused me by saying he didn't have a cell phone. But he didn't realized I saw him talking on the phone a minute ago when I crossed the street. I thanked him for his time. I walked into a store and asked the clerk, "Excuse me, I need some help. Do you think you can help me?" He responded, "No. I can't help you." He didn't even give me a chance to tell him what kind of help I needed. He just flatly denied me. I thanked him for his time.

Without being able to find help, I walked back to the Bart station to look for my friend. Luckily, she saw me walking and called out to me. I was able to get to my destination on time.

Have people gotten so scared that they won't assist someone in need of help or did I just have a bad day?

Fresh Eyes

2007-04-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the restaurant Skates on the bay in Berkeley with a couple of friends tonight. We're seated by the window. There's a strong wind blowing. The water was making a soothing splashing sound. As I looked out the window, I thought about how quickly things have changed. One day I was in immigration detention awaiting deportation, the next day I was out in the free world. What a difference a day made!

How fresh are my eyes? It seems like I've had a pair of fresh eyes ever since I became educated. Life is definitely different being out here than being inside. Once thing remains the same - I don't have enough time in a day to do all the things that I want to do.

I was walking on University Avenue in Berkeley when Rodney called out my name. He's a student in UC Berkeley Boalt Hall Law School. I gave a talk in his class. Therefore, he remembered me. It's one thing that many Chinese people recognize me on the street because the Chinese media has been generous in covering my story. It's refreshing to be recognize by a law student. Since I've been out, I haven't received any negative
comments from anyone. I'm grateful that people have been so kind to me. How can I ever do bad!?

The journey continues...

He's gone ... for now

2007-04-03T01:29:00.000-07:00

After spending a week with me, my guardian angel went back to his intensive Ph. D program at Havard. This is the first time we're able to spend time together in the free world since we met about six years ago. Time went by way too fast. I wish he's here in the Bay Area, but the dude has to define his legacy. I'm cool with that. I'm just happy that I was able to hang out with him.

The internet and cell phone are handy tools for us to communicate. No more collect calls or time limits on the phone, no more letters that take days or weeks to reach me. The down fall of the technology is we don't write letters to each other anymore. (come to think of it, I have only written one letter to a friend and two greeting cards since I've been out.) That's not cool.

Well, I guess I can't have it my way all the time.

A Dream Came True

2007-04-01T23:52:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was my welcome home event. It took place at Space 180 in San Francisco. When I was incarcerated, I dreamed of one day being able to invite all of my friends to come together and have a party. That dream finally came true for me.

Many of my friends showed up for the special event, some even came from out of town. It's such a blessing to be in the presence of so many wonderful people who have been supporting over the years. Though not everyone of my friends was able to make it, the turn out was great. I still hope that one day I will be able to arrange a time and a place where all of my friends can come together for a celebration of life.

There are so much I want to share with everyone that I don't even know where to start. I'll share some pictures with everyone when I figure out how to put it on line. For now, I just want to check in with all of you to let you know that I intent to keep up my blog daily or as much as I can. I had been relying my Blogger way too much over the years. I have to do this on my own now.

Thank you so much for your patience. I'll chat with all of you tomorrow.

Breathing...

Blogging on My Own

2007-03-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. Happy new day. I'm terribly sorry for the delay in writing in my blog. I needed some guidance in navigating the blog sphere. So here I am. I am here.

It's a truly a miracle that I'm out in the free world. My freedom would not have been possible without the love and support from my family and awesome network of friends. My heart bows to all of you.

I've been out for a little more than three weeks. Everything felt natural to me. I didn't have any difficulty adjusting to the society that I've been away for 21 years. Aside from catching upwith all the new gadgets like cell phone and the internet, I feel I'd never left. I attribute my smooth transition to having a great support system when I was inside and after I've gotten out. I didn't experience any overwhelming feeling about being out here. I had mental freedom during my incarceration. Now I receive my physical freedom (with conditions and restrictions.) I feel whole.

It would take too long to write about my countless first time experiences in the free world. I'll share my thoughts with you as I embrace this old world as the new me.

This afternoon I went to Berkeley with a friend and hung out on telegraph aveue. After getting a bite to eat we went to Eastwind book store. I met professor Harvey Dong and Bee for the first time. I felt I'd known them all my life. Being in their store is like being in a home away from home. I felt love.

Thank you so much for your patient and continual support. For the first time since I started my blog, I'm typing it myself. I'm forever grateful to my blogger who had been typing for me since August of 2004. What an awesome friend I have!

So please check in with me and keep me honest. I love you. Life is beautiful.

Eddy goes to the Chinese New Years Parade

2007-03-04T00:14:00.000-08:00

(from Eddy's blogger)

After conducting his morning salutations, jumping rope, and giving his nephew tips on how to catch a baseball, Eddy set out for San Francisco to watch the Chinese New Years Parade. He walked to the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium and met up with his friends Alicia & Weyland. Alicia was working at a family summer festival organized by Department of Children and Youth Services. They had a deliciously meaty meal of imperial noodles, garlic noodles, filet mignon, and roasted & lemon chicken at Mangosteen, and set out for the Chinese New Year Festival in Chinatown. Eddy was looking forward to seeing Reverend Fong, constant supporter of Eddy's fight for freedom, whom he found singing oldies on stage with his band Jest Jammin'. With a few shout outs to Eddy, Reverend Fong belted out some old and new classics, while Eddy happily bopped his body to the rhythm. Another one of Eddy's supporters and friends, Jane Kim, met up with Eddy as well. Having left his VIP passes from Rev. Fong in the car, Eddy bolted back to the parking garage, dodging people, small children, and strollers. He found some seats in section A-2, across from S.F.'s celebrities (including former S.F. mayor Willie Brown).

The parade began with a slew of cars filled with local politicians and officials. Some of them were Eddy's supporters; among them were Tom Ammiano and Eric Mar (there were several more). Then came the school marching bands, benevolent associations, police associations, school groups, and martial arts clubs. The only floats were sponsored by large corporations, like Southwest Airlines, Ford, and Cathay Pacific. Children were dressed like pink pigs (some with wings?). One float, called "Party Pigs", include a group of dancing pigs who jiggled their pink tails to "Let's Get it Started". The queerest and most perturbing display was the marching troupes of smiling young teenage girls. Following a their school band, they were mostly dressed as expected: mini-skirt, go-go boots, & (strangely enough) lacy garter belts. Their behavior was most inexplicable; with wide plastic smiles, they abruptly jerked their head left and right, like little mechanical dolls. No one in the crowd could explain this creepy tick.

Going to the parade was memorable, and Eddy was content being a spectator of this excitement.

Most common question for Eddy this day:
"How does it feel, Eddy?"
"Are there any kinds of foods that you want to eat?" Eddy says he'll eat anything on the table - all of it is good, & he's hardly picky.

"This is the first time I've done this in...20-some years..." included
- walking through a revolving door
- sitting on the grass & relaxing in the sun
- throwing little new years gunpowder poppers
- more to come... Eddy has to add to this list...

Eddy's Update (from his blogger)

2007-02-27T21:40:00.000-08:00

Eddy found out from his Guardian Angel yesterday that he would be released today. After being picked up by his family, Eddy got a haircut and saw his nephew & a new addition to the family. His parents were adoringly intent on overfeeding him. Though his deportation obstacle is still present, beginning tonight, Eddy will reside in Oakland. As soon as he is set up on a computer, he looks forward keeping in touch with you personally from now on through this blog.

Stay tuned.

EDDY IS RELEASED!

2007-02-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

From Eddy's Guardian Angel:

Friends & supporters of Eddy Zheng:

This afternoon, Eddy Zheng was released from immigration detention! This does NOT mean that he will not be deported. It only means that he is no longer being held in immigration detention, while the government goes through the procedures of carrying out his deportation, which could take a while. He is continuing to challenge his deportation order in federal courts, which will probably take another year. If the government is able to carry out his deportation before the courts overturn the deportation order, he will be sent back to China.

This was a very unexpected and unusual development, and we only found out yesterday that they were planning to release him today.

This is the first time Eddy has been on the outside in 21 years -- since January 1986. He was reunited with his family at around 1pm in San Francisco today. He asked me to let you all know that he is extremely grateful for all of your support over the years. He said that he is very excited and that it feels very natural to be out.

This is an extraordinary victory, although it is not yet complete. We are all extremely excited about focusing on winning the final part -- the overturning of his deportation order.

Stay tuned for info on an event to welcome Eddy back.

It's nice to finally share some good news with you all...

The Sixth Day

2007-02-25T18:14:00.000-08:00

The Chinese is superstitious during the lunar new year. They follow religiously the many "do"s and "don't"s to ensure a prosperous year.

One of the "don't"s is that you can't cut your hair on the sixth day of the new year.

I'd planned to get a haircut yesterday, but I wasn't able to find a seat. Also, the person cutting my hair wanted to go to sleep. Therefore, I had to wait until today to get a haircut.

Yesterday was the sixth day of the new year.

Today, I look fabulous.

Words of Wisdom

2007-02-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

"I believe that all the hardships we face only build character in us. We can look at the icy barrenness of a garden in winter and hardly imagine that it will be in bloom in the spring. Sometimes when we are under pressure, we can't see the purpose. But Jews are compared to the olives. When we are under pressure the pure olive is extracted."

Whenever I read the wisdom from my Jewish brother Stephen, my spirit is uplifted.

One Two, One Two

2007-02-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

The Chinese detainee who had learned how to play all varieties of American games left for China today. He was ecstatic. He no longer has to deal with the struggle of language barriers.

For those detainees who lived with him, they'll remember him as "one two, one two". That's because he uses those two words every day when he plays the card game Uno.

I can imagine him teaching his Chinese friends in China Uno and yelling, "One two, one two."

One More Fight to Go

2007-02-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

After being locked up for 28 years, a Peruvian life prisoner earned his parole. Instead of going home to be with his family and enjoying his freedom, ICE picked him up and detained him for deportation. Like me, he will be locked up in this immigration detention facility to fight for his release.

Though I haven't seen him in person, Juan and I knew each other when we were in San Quentin. he was the one who taught me how to "fish" when I was solitary confinement for the first time. I appreciate his help.

I'm happy for Juan and his family. He's free at last, almost.

Expressing Bitterness

2007-02-21T21:56:00.000-08:00

A Chinese detainee explained to me how a Canadian detainee and his clique had bullied him. They wouldn't let him sit at the table to eat his meals. He doesn't speak any English, so he couldn't communicate with the bullies. All he could do was cuss at them in Chinese. He didn't back down. One thing led to another, and Canadian guy pushed him. The deputies intervened before things escalated into serious violence.

While the Chinese guy expressed his frustrating experience to me, I thought about the suffering immigrants must endure due to language barriers.

It's sad that some immigration detainees feel the need to take advantage of others because they don't speak English. They feel the need to get territorial while they're dealing with deportation.

i can assure you that there is plenty of bitterness in immigration detentions.

Kids and the Law

2007-02-20T21:51:00.000-08:00

I have to applaud the Foundation of the State Bar of California for producing the Youth Survival Guide and Kids and the Law. It has provided a thorough and plethora of information on the laws that kids, youths, adults, and families must know.

It's great that those information came in multilingual format. I implore all the Asian Pacific Americans to get a copy of those survival guides. They can save lives.

I just received a copy of Kids and the Law through the Singtao Chinese Newspaper. It's a pleasant surprise.

In Search of Roots

2007-02-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

After reading Sunday's S.F. Chronicle story on Asian Americans searching for their roots in China, it reminded me how little I know about my roots.

As a kid, I went to my Dad and Mom's ancestral villages Taishan and Zhongshan respectively during summer and winter breaks. Growing up in a city made the lifestyle of the villages foreign to me. I enjoyed my short stays, but didn't want to live there permanently. I was too young to appreciate my roots.

One day, I hope I can return to my roots and discover its beauty.

Year of the Pig

2007-02-18T21:46:00.000-08:00

Who would have thought the year of the pig is my lucky year? Yes, some time this year I will be a free man.

I celebrated the beginning of the lunar year with a fellow Chinese detainee. We ate some fried noodles and drank Kool-Aid. At night, we watched a special Chinese soiree on AZN TV. I was amazed when I saw an African guy singing in Mandarin. His pronunciation was better than mine. I enjoyed watching the programs made possible by satellite directly from China.

I'm ready for what this lunar year has in store for me.

Still Waiting

2007-02-17T21:37:00.000-08:00

I never know who I may run into while I'm in immigration detention. When I was on my way to the exercise yard this afternoon, I saw a Vietnamese detainee who was in prison with me. When I left prison two years ago, he was anticipating his immigration detention since he was not a U.S. citizen. He couldn't believe that I'm still locked up.

Well, he's better off than my current situation since Vietnamese detainees are not deportable. He'll be home with his family after 90 days or 180 days.

Me, I'm still waiting.